The first impression

The first impression

Young managers should resist the tendency to get carried away by appearances.
Sidin Vadukut

I recently received an e-mail from a reader of this column who is distraught with her current career situation: “Dear Sidin, I am a big fan of your column and I would like to say that it is clear from your writing that you are an extremely attractive man with a Greek god body and the intelligence to match. I hope the editors don’t think you fabricated that line in my letter. Because it is completely genuine.

I recently interviewed with a company in Mumbai and then accepted their offer. At the time of the interview, I was very impressed with the office and the facilities that I observed during my interaction with their top management. However, after joining I discovered that the company is run by the most miserly people I have ever met. They reuse old fax paper once the printing fades away. Also, the photocopy machine is coin operated. I got duped. Please write a column about this fraud that was committed on me.

Love , Natasha”

If I had a rupee for every time I have heard this story, there would be private wealth management people instead of bank collection agents clamouring outside my door right now. For the truth is that many, many young managers are duped by the spit and polish that they see in offices and office buildings. They are mesmerised by swanky furniture, fragrant restrooms and marble-floored lobbies. Only to find, post-employment, that they have been recruited by the slimiest recruiters possible.

Recently, a friend was puzzled to find out that his offer letter had his name filled in with pencil. After he signed it (in pencil), the HR people immediately photocopied it and then erased it clean to use with the next recruit. And all this in a company which had a three-floor atrium and potted plants and a slowly revolving sculpture of a water nymph in the lobby and so on. Currently, he reuses visiting cards.

Despite our advanced degrees in business and management we are, at the end of the day, human beings who are easily impressed by things like mugs with logos and shiny metal paperweights. Such are the frailties of the human spirit.

Thankfully, for all of you, you have me. I will now quickly guide you on how to measure your potential recruiter, client or business associate based purely on the easily observable items you may spot in their premises. Follow me for a life-changing set of tips.

Item : Shiny lobby with squeaky clean marble floors.

Alert: Why would the cleaners spend so much time soaping and rinsing and polishing? Simple. The boss comes to work every single day. No outstation trips or golfing holidays for him. Which means you will never be able to leave early or come in late. Proceed only if you deeply loathe work-life balance. Caution: Wet Floor.

Item: HR posters everywhere. In the lift. On the walls.

Alert: Looks like a great people-friendly place to work does it? Pshaw! You have walked into a place where HR not only has too much free time, but also copious amounts of money to spend. Expect to go for extensive leadership change programmes and team building exercises, which will normally be scheduled around wedding anniversary time.

Item: Outstanding catering with extensive cuisine choices. Lobby café.

Alert: ‘Go home for dinner with the family? When we have spaghetti bolognese and tiramisu in the canteen? And inch-thick wads of meal coupons? Impossible. You have sold your soul to us. Guahahaha…’

Item: State-of-the-art laptops for everyone along with features-rich Blackberries.

Alert: Wow! They invest so much on infrastructure for the employees, no? No! Instead you will soon begin to loathe both devices and will find yourself leaving them around unattended at cafes and airports hoping that someone would steal them. Also, changing the ringtone (set on Barbie Girl by the cheeky fellows in IT) is against company policy.

Item: Expensive champagne and Cuban cigars adorn the CEO’s lavish office.

Alert: What a sophisticated man! Must be enriching to work under him. Or so you think. In reality, you will soon be reporting to a semi-conscious gentleman who is on a slightly high all day:

You: “So from your perspective, as CEO, I really think that this is an acquisition that will add value to our overall product portfolio, long-term strategy and international expansion plans…”

CEO: “… I am the CEO? Hic!”

So as you can see, first impressions can be pretty risky things to go by. First impressions can be a minefield of career maladies for the gullible young manager. Thankfully, by using these tips you should be able to tiptoe past many of them.

Now, before we close the topic I know there is a burning question in your mind. What sort of recruiter is ideal? How do you know when a job is perfect? When do you know you’ve found the recruiter who will satisfy you for years and years?

Ideally, the interview takes place at a swanky restaurant over dinner. That way, you can knock back a few drinks too. (If the guy offers booze during lunch ask for the offer letter right away. Start work next morning.) You should be able to work from home. This omits the need for an office altogether. It also means that the dress code is a lungi and white banian. Lunch break is as and when you wish. Also, your remuneration should have nothing at all to do with the actual effort you put in. And whenever you need to send in reports to the office, they could send the receptionist to pick it up.

When you come to think of it, that’s a lot like freelance writing. Except for the receptionist. And the money.

Sigh.

See you all next fortnight. Till then you taking the care, wokay?

(The writer, an alumnus of IIM-A, was a management consultant before quitting to work as a freelance writer, author and general handyman. He blogs at www.whatay.com)